2 0 1 1.
Fucked me up and built me up.
I honestly don't know what to think about this year. Maybe it's time for a pro/con list?
OK, I tried making a list, but apparently my life is not list-able. Instead I got this:
I got fired. From a job that could've been done by Grawp the giant.
But getting fired gave me the impetus to finally start being creative full-time.
I started running regularly and felt great about it... but my knee got fucked up and I had to stop doing sports altogether. Still can't run :(
I finally got diagnosed with ADHD and realised that a lot in my life was not my fault. But now instead of feeling crappy because I never managed to get anything done I felt crappy because of all the time I had lost.
I also learned that there are meds that could help me. But some of the meds fucked me up BAD. Like Charlie! But Charlie the elephant pales in comparison to throwing up into a trashcan at Praterstern underground station. Disgusting and humiliating - brought to you by Strattera (tm). Back to Ritalin then. I'm still not sure they're the right ones. However, when they do work, it's magical. I mean, shit is getting done! And instead of being "a person with tons of creative potential" I turn into a proper "creative person".
I finally had the courage to submit a short story to two literary competitions. I didn't get shortlisted for either one though.
I also submitted my first film treatment ever. This time I only barely missed the shortlist and ended up joining the team in a different capacity anyway.
I lost some friends. Because, apparently, 2011 was the year of people being pissed at me but not letting me know this. (Not a mindreader, I am.) To this day I still don't know the reason for one of those people's anger at me.
I made some new friends though.
And re-established contact with some out-of-touch old ones.
I wrote more than I ever did before. I didn't write nearly enough to satisfy me. But I started work on my first film.
I started film school.
I still don't have a paying job. But I feel I'm getting to a point where I could handle one.
My mother is nice to me again. Unfortunately, I think it is because now that I have a diagnosis she thinks I'm damaged goods and that I can't be held responsible for my own actions - and not because she sees her own faults in last year's ordeal. Oh, the irony!
I LEARNED TO SAY 'NO'!
We went to New York.
I FINALLY WENT TO NEW YORK!
I saw Beirut and Tori Amos and Amanda Palmer live.
I gave Neil Gaiman my short stories and didn't get any feedback.
A friend of mine
I don't want to jinx it but so far NO ONE DIED THIS YEAR!
I realised what exactly it is that I'm exceptionally good at.
I finished therapy.
But most of all I fulfilled the one New Year's resolution I had: I scared the shit out of being scared.
Looking up/back at this I'm drawing the conclusion that 2011 was quite an okay year, all things considered. Definitely better than 2010. And hopefully 2012 will be even better.
What I wish for besides the basic health-no-one-dying stuff:
- Getting the meds thing worked out
- Making a good movie and getting it seen
- Lots of love and great music and good friends and some travelling
edited because I saw this on twitter and found it incredibly wonderful: